Friday nights, for most american citizens these days, is a mixed-bag of bowling leagues, irish car bomb shots, olympic home scoring, missionary sex and netflix. Personally, I went with the latter, having spent my day serving mozzarella stix and glasses of merlot with a splash of coke (no shit) to neck-tattooed silverlakers who thought that the name AUGIE would be proper for their newly birthed son.
Seriously?! Why not scribble "Chicks? No thanks!" onto his birth certificate. You keep naming your kids after household items and civil war heroes, in 20 years we'll be trading Rusted Root LP's for currency and discussing how violent our starch intolerance has become over wooden mugs of lilly water. Never mind what will become of competitive sports and foodies!
Back to Netflix. Earlier this week, they shut down their national distribution centers leaving millions of hipsters sitting in front of their shiny silver apple laptops (as I am doing right now) to wonder "how am I going to watch 'Riffifi' while waiting to have unprotected sex with "that one-in-a-million beauty... what's her name?" before they head out in their bio-diesel benz to see the Black Kids at El Cid.
My shipment arrived uninterrupted, bearing David Mamet's latest 'Redbelt'. 99 minutes later I am sitting on my couch watching olympic highlights wondering what the sweet fuck happened to the guy who wrote Glengary???
Is it the fact that I know that over the last decade he has become a brown belt wearing, conservative card carrying hot douche? Is that tainting my perception when it comes to this film? Fuck no!!! This movie sucks! Almost exclusively. If you were living in the Congo, you would say it sucks one thousand gorilla nuts. Mamet, who famously demanded that every "uh" and "Err" in his plays and scripts be vocalized, and to his credit, correctly, has managed to take an enormous dump on what was an, at the very least intriguing film career. It really bum's me out.
AND he farts in the morning cereal bowl of not only Chieeewttal Ewieejiooour, who deserves better, but also Tim Allen, who in limited duty, does some of the best work he has ever done!
I blame republicans. Ponder this: How come people don't start families and get older and get better jobs and decide that they WANT TO BE LIBERAL. Never happens. They always "decide" to become conservatives when they gain wealth and debt. Politically, Growin' up translates to growin' out. With great power comes great responsibility, right? If 1985 Mamet ran into 2008 Mamet in a Greenwich Village Alley, '85 Mamet would gut '08 Mamet and leave him for dead. With or without a 'rouge' belt. Because starving is tough. Scroungin' is tough. Clawing your way from nothing to something is tough. Mailing it in wearing a straw pork-pie hat... well, it's just not tough.
If Mamet can't write anymore, then I have to go back to Beijing for inspiration. Michael Phelps looks like he has down syndrome and won 42 gold medals. America! Fuck yeah!
No comments:
Post a Comment